Ghost of Christmas Present
Today was Christmas. It was a bit crazy. Lane decided to wake up early, play hard and open presents for two hours, take a nap (for only thirty minutes), and then scream for an hour. After we finally calmed him down, he decided to refuse sleep for the remainder of the day. Yes. The WHOLE day. He finally went to sleep at 8:30 tonight. Needless to say, I'm quite tired.
But...this Christmas was really nice. My side of the family decided to not swap gifts this year. We gave gifts for the kids, but that was all. Maybe it was the lack of stress in having to figure out what to get each person, maybe it was the emotional-ness of it being my first Christmas as a mother, or maybe it was the fact that my pants actually fit this year (thank you, Dillard's), but this year I've experienced Christmas in a very different way. This year I have wondered about a lot of things...things that probably don't matter, but I wonder about them anyway. Things like...when Mary rode that donkey, did she gripe about it? Did she have swollen ankles? Did she feel the baby kick often and did it make her terrified or excited or shameful?
I'm sure I wonder these things now because I've had Lane (we call it "the blessed event" at home), but they're still things I think about. I wonder if God granted her an easier delivery. Was Jesus a big baby or a small baby? Did He have problems latching on? Did He sleep well? Was He colicky? Was He a cone head?
And yes, I know some of these are funny things and some of them probably don't matter one little bit...but I still wonder. Christmas Eve I thought of Mary and Joseph and what they were "voluntold" to do. I think of what her labor must have been like...to be in a cave where they kept livestock. I used to have a friend whose parents had horses and that barn was yuck. During her labor did Mary look around and question God? When Baby Jesus was finally born, did she ask God, "Why here? Why now? Why me?"
It blows my mind to think that Christ would come here to save us. It completely blows me away to know that He came to not only save those of us that love Him, but to also give everyone a chance to love Him and have a relationship with Him. It's just something that I can't wrap my head around. And not just that He came here to save us...He became one of us. He came as a tiny little baby, completely dependent on a young Jewish girl and her fiancé, and put all of his amazing glory on the back burner.
For us.
For me.
For my son. My own little baby asleep in his room (finally).
And as bad as I hate to admit it, this is probably the first year that this all has really hit me. Like (not to sound like a Valley girl)...I get it. I really get it.
And when I think about it, I can't help but weep. I'm so thankful for this year. As crazy as it has been all day long, I'm so thankful that God hit me with it this year. As much fun as the gift giving and receiving was...I'm more thankful for the new perspective God has given me. Maybe it's this year's Christmas gift from God. If so, I definitely got everything on my list.
But...this Christmas was really nice. My side of the family decided to not swap gifts this year. We gave gifts for the kids, but that was all. Maybe it was the lack of stress in having to figure out what to get each person, maybe it was the emotional-ness of it being my first Christmas as a mother, or maybe it was the fact that my pants actually fit this year (thank you, Dillard's), but this year I've experienced Christmas in a very different way. This year I have wondered about a lot of things...things that probably don't matter, but I wonder about them anyway. Things like...when Mary rode that donkey, did she gripe about it? Did she have swollen ankles? Did she feel the baby kick often and did it make her terrified or excited or shameful?
I'm sure I wonder these things now because I've had Lane (we call it "the blessed event" at home), but they're still things I think about. I wonder if God granted her an easier delivery. Was Jesus a big baby or a small baby? Did He have problems latching on? Did He sleep well? Was He colicky? Was He a cone head?
And yes, I know some of these are funny things and some of them probably don't matter one little bit...but I still wonder. Christmas Eve I thought of Mary and Joseph and what they were "voluntold" to do. I think of what her labor must have been like...to be in a cave where they kept livestock. I used to have a friend whose parents had horses and that barn was yuck. During her labor did Mary look around and question God? When Baby Jesus was finally born, did she ask God, "Why here? Why now? Why me?"
It blows my mind to think that Christ would come here to save us. It completely blows me away to know that He came to not only save those of us that love Him, but to also give everyone a chance to love Him and have a relationship with Him. It's just something that I can't wrap my head around. And not just that He came here to save us...He became one of us. He came as a tiny little baby, completely dependent on a young Jewish girl and her fiancé, and put all of his amazing glory on the back burner.
For us.
For me.
For my son. My own little baby asleep in his room (finally).
And as bad as I hate to admit it, this is probably the first year that this all has really hit me. Like (not to sound like a Valley girl)...I get it. I really get it.
And when I think about it, I can't help but weep. I'm so thankful for this year. As crazy as it has been all day long, I'm so thankful that God hit me with it this year. As much fun as the gift giving and receiving was...I'm more thankful for the new perspective God has given me. Maybe it's this year's Christmas gift from God. If so, I definitely got everything on my list.
Comments