What I've Learned Thus Far

What I’ve learned so far at my new job:

• Hyperlinks. I’ve learned that there are absolute and relative hyperlinks. When using an absolute hyperlink, it’s easy and will most definitely work…unless you’re making a webpage and then all bets are off. When using a relative hyperlink, it will most likely work…unless you’re holding your mouth a certain way on the third Tuesday of the month while wearing black shoes with nude knee highs and then all bets are off.
• Microwaves. I’ve learned that unless you wish to take your life into your own hands you NEVER use the microwaves on the first floor. They are disgusting and both are in the same condition. After asking if there was one that was somewhat clean, I was told, “Oh your poor thing. I forgot to tell you about that…” and shown the microwave in the “kitchen” on our floor. Although it is cleaner than those downstairs, it does seem to be on its last leg (or rubber knobby thing) and I therefore do not recommend standing in front of it while in operation, lest you want your future children being born with fourteen ears.
• The “kitchen” on the second floor is really just a closet with a counter top, sink, refrigerator, microwave and toaster oven. The toaster oven and microwave cannot be in operation at the same time or the fuse will blow. The refrigerator is so small that some mornings it is difficult to cram my sandwich and coke in it. Apparently, everyone is aware of the microwaves on the first floor and thus stays away.
• The restroom is truly something on which to ponder. When first walking in, there is a wicker chair behind a curtain. Although I have not discovered who as of yet, someone frequently occupies this small space (with curtain drawn) while a mysterious machine runs. I am assuming it is a breast pump and therefore wish not to intrude. Although, if it is a breast pump and said mother is preparing food for her child at home, why does she not close the blinds that cover the two large windows? After entering the second room (that actually contains the toilets and sinks) there is another wicker chair. Allow me to add that the wicker chairs are in the condition as that of being something that was picked up off the side of the road…meaning…I do believe I could find better at the Goodwill and then someone might actually want to sit on them. As it currently stands, I don’t even set my purse on them. The stalls in the bathroom are also something to “be in the know” about. The larger (handicapped) stall is only a bit larger than the other stall. The only criteria making this a handicapped stall is the grab bars located on the walls as there is no possible way a wheel chair would be able to fit in this stall much less actually be able to turn around and offer room for said person to maneuver to the toilet. My heart hurts for them as I have known the need to use the restroom and not be able to do so. There is also a sign taped to the wall stating, “Ladies: It takes more than one flush to clear this bowl. Please make sure bowl is clear before leaving.” I, at first, did not understand this statement as I never had problems with it flushing, however I have since learned that if your visit to the restroom requires anything more than a little tinkle, you might want to visit the smaller stall. In addition to its cozy space, it is almost a guarantee that whatever is put in that bowl, is going down.
• The women here LOVE Glad and Air Wick. In the smaller stall of the bathroom is one can and in the larger stall are two cans. I personally have never been a fan of canned air fresheners due to the fact that after using them EVERYONE within 100 feet can smell it and is fully aware that you just did something that you wish not to talk about. These women, however, must not have the same beliefs and therefore LOVE to spray this stuff. All the time. Never mind that in no way does it smell of "Tropic Mist" or anything occurring naturally in nature.
• Office Supplies: This is another area of interest that seems to have me stumped. When employed with previous companies, a cabinet or closet was maintained containing all office supplies. If the cabinet or closet did not have what you needed, you simply informed the correct authority and they made sure to order it for you. This was something I thought very simple. Upon beginning my first day of employment, I was given three pens (one ball point and two felt tip), a stapler, a legal pad (glued at the top and therefore not “fold-over-able”) a roll of scotch tape (narrow...which I hate), and a package of fluorescent Post It® “flag tags”. And that was all. I soon learned that I did not even have a garbage can. After working for approximately a week and a half and having to "pack it out", I finally asked what the process was for obtaining a container to place my trash. After waiting almost two weeks, I finally received one. It is metal, circular, and LOUD when my foot accidentally hits it. The stapler (and yes, I know that these topics are stupid and should not even be talked about, but…it’s MY blog) is absolutely the cheapest piece of office equipment I have yet to use. Brand name is unknown. I do know this: I am sure it is not a Bostitch nor is it a Swingline. Its history of completing its task is somewhat comparable to that of a relative hyperlink. Please see above.
• The Snack Shop: Located in the building behind ours, is a snack shop. I’ve heard about this legendary snack shop but have never basked in its glory until today. It offers canned drinks (soda or pop if you’re from up north), bottled water, candy bars, packaged snacks (including my favorite: the most beautiful...Oreo cookie), beef jerky, meal bars, and even biscotti (which I might try tomorrow in my cappuccino mix). This snack shop will probably have to be limited later on, but for now, it is a thing to be happy about.

So that's all for now. I consider my advancement in knowledge to be a success considering I've learned all of this only in the first month of working here...and I'm sure there's so much more to discover.