Day 29: I Skipped Yesterday

I kinda gave in yesterday and went to Publix to hit some coupon deals (which is why I'm not counting yesterday). However, I mainly just bought things that we didn't have or things that were free and I wanted to try (like the Sandwich Shop Mayo...which I actually found pretty tasty). Overall I spent $28 and some change. But...since I was a bit bummed about going back to work, I felt that I needed something to cheer me up. (I now realize how pathetic it is that buying food cheers me up, but...we all have our vices, right?)

Yesterday I had oatmeal for breakfast (just a few more packs to go!) and a glass of milk. Is it sad that as I sit here I honestly cannot remember what I had for lunch? Probably so...or maybe just another sign that I'm getting old and my mind is slipping. We had small group and the main dish was hamburgers and hot dogs so I took some Boston Baked Beans in the crockpot. I actually used my smaller crockpot (the one for cheese dips) and it was the perfect size. I modified the recipe so here's what I used:

2 cans of kidney beans
About 6 shakes of dried, minced onions
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup ketchup
1/8 teaspoon of pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 slices of bacon
a healthy squirt of mustard
a little bit of water (Ryan despises it when I don't measure)
Mix off of this together and lay the bacon over the top.
Cook on low 6-7 hours. (I actually cooked mine on high for two hours, and then moved it to low for another 1-2 hours.)
Deeeeelish.

So today I went back to work. I had everything ready for today and felt fairly prepared. When I put Baby L to bed, I started to cry. Picked him up again and we snuggled for a while longer. The second attempt to put him to bed went better. Ryan and I went to bed and I was more bummed than I thought I'd be. But...God is so good and He granted me a good night's rest. I've been stressed about L waking up in time for me to feed him before going to work. There's just something deep inside me that wants me to be the first person he sees in the morning. I love his smiles when I come in to get him and I don't want to miss any of them. He normally wakes up around 7:00 and I normally like getting out the door around 7:00. But...this morning he woke up at 6:30 and I was able to catch the smiles (and laughs) and feed him. Some people believe in coincidences, but I don't. I believe that God takes care of everything in our lives. And this morning, I know that God knew how nervous I was and He had L wake up early for me. Call it what you want, but I know God takes care of me in every way. God is good.

I was okay leaving him even though I had a little breakdown when we got around the corner. Ryan was good, though. He gave me a wonderful pep talk, met me for lunch, and hurried me home after work. I'm so blessed to have both of these guys in my like. Again, God has so richly blessed me and I am so thankful.

So, as I sit here now watching Alice in Wonderland, and snuggling with this sweet baby, I'm ready for tomorrow. I love my job and I know that it is good for me to have daily adult interaction as well as "goals" to reach on a normal basis. As much as I want to spend every waking hour with Baby L, I know that I need something else to push me and keep my mental state "in check". I know that I'll be a good mother even though I go back to work, that I'll probably be a better mother by going back to work, and that L will still love me when I go back to work.

After all, I'm the best mother he's ever going to have.